Karen Tate Photography

1. If using a touch-tone phone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a credit card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
4. Terminate the call with, “Remember, we never had this conversation.”
5. Tell the order-taker that a rival pizza place is on the other line and you’re going with the lowest bidder.
6. Answer their questions with questions.
7. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
8. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
9. Change your accent every three seconds.
10. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
11. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say “OK. That’ll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window.”
12. Rent a pizza.
13. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
14. Ask that your pizza be “shaken, not stirred.”
15. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
16. When they say “What would you like?” say, “Huh? Oh, you mean now.”
17. Ask to see a menu.
18. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
19. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
20. Order two toppings, then say, “No, they’ll start fighting.”
21. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
22. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
23. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
24. State your order and say that’s as far as this relationship is going to get.
25. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza as a topping.
26. Put them on hold.
27. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say “No mushrooms, please.” Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
28. When you’re given the price, haggle.
29. Order a one-inch pizza.
30. Order term life insurance.
31. When they say “Will that be all?”, snicker and say “We’ll find out, won’t we?”
32. Dance all around the word “pizza.” Avoid saying it at all costs. If the order-taker says it, say “Please don’t mention that word.”
33. Order a steamed pizza.

(I found this somewhere on the Internet, so I take no credit for it! ;))

~ by Karen Rosenblum on January 25, 2010.

Posted in Just for Fun!